10 English Sentences for Fabio Capello

We, at A Gallon of Butterbeer are a helpful bunch. And we know that England national football team boss Fabio Capello needs a little help with his English. So, our ever-thoughtful sportswriter came up with a list of 10 English sentences that the Italian manager might find useful

1. I’ve had enough of these goalkeeper buffoons, I wish Gigi Buffon was English

2. I was wondering if Frank and John will be allowed to play in a Chelsea shirt, because then they won’t act like they’ve never kicked a ball in their life

3. Nice suit, David. I must tell Armani I’d like a similar one

4. Rio, if I ever catch you trying to steal John’s Captain Armband again, I will bench you for the rest of your career

5. I know you won’t slip again, John, but you will NOT take a penalty

6. Theo, you will not wear that ‘I love Ericsson’ T-shirt to training ever again. And the same goes to you, David.

7. Wayne, you need to lose some weight

8. I will not tolerate late nights and any other kind of indiscipline. I’m not bloody Steve McLaren

9. This English weather is so depressing

10. Yes, yes, I know that you’ll won the World Cup in ’66.

CRASH

A laptop crash is possibly the crappiest thing that can happen to a person. It's right up there with a crappy internet connection. And it happened to me. As if a crappy internet connection was not enough.

Actually, things were pretty hunky dory in the run-up to the crash. My net connection was faster than it had ever been, and summer had really kicked into Bombay. Just like always. And then it had to happen. Without any warning, just like that, CRASH. My laptop simple refused to start.

So, I take my computer to the engineer, and he told me that things were pretty messed up. And he said he'd try and see if he can do something about it, without me having to get a new hard disk. Three days later I get my laptop back, with a new hard disk.

So now I've spent the past couple of days getting the house in order; downloading my applications, re-installing my games and basically, trying to get my laptop to look like it did before.

And I've also been wondering about how the urge to blog is inversely proportional to the number of days left for an exam. Just before my boards, I found myself writing a new draft every two days. And now, I can't think of anything to post about.

The One Where The Illiterate Person Sells All Books For "Paani-Puri"

A literate person derives more utility by reading books. But an illiterate person may not read but sell all such books for the sake of "Paani-Puri"

- Refresher Course Economics Std XII


An industry consists of different groups. Let us take the example of 'Cloth Industry'. In cloth industry one group specializes on suitings, another on shirts, the third one on banians and so on.

- Economics Text Book Std XII

Masakalli

These days, I've been listening to that Masakalli gaana from Delhi 6 almost 30 times a day. Problem is that I can't listen to the whole song, because I listen to it on TV.

See, I heard the song for the first time on TV and then I was addicted. So, the natural course of action was downloading the gaana, and that is what I did. I listened to it on my computer, but it just didn't sound the same. As in, I didn't feel like playing it again and again. Which caused me to come to the conclusion that I'm over it.

Then, I heard it on TV again. And I wanted to hear it again and again. So, I kept surfing music channels until I found one playing the song. Once the song was over on that channel, I would surf the other channels and would only stop when I came upon the song again. And since there a good 8 music channels that play the song at regular intervals, I had to deal with disappointments such as being able to catch only the last bit of the song on the 8th channel, because I had been busy surfing the first 7 channels.

And then it hit me. I don't like the song. I like the video. I like a beautiful Indian woman doing the Egyptian dance with a pigeon on her head. I like Sonam Kapoor.

And I like to wonder who I'm talking to.

A Good Year

Time was romanticized. And laziness. Pseudo-sounding words. Empty thoughts. Would-be intellectualism.

Lack of ability poorly veiled by a veneer of an affected nonchalance. Indecisiveness became a way of life. Courage was mustered. And then squandered.

Words were written. Obliterated. And another way of life was laid to rest.

I'm Watching Too Much TV

This evening I was listening to the radio in the car. And it was taking me only a beat to figure out which song was playing.

Yeah, and I actually found myself singing along,

Holle holle se hawaa lagti hai...

Dance pe chance maar le, o soniya...

Dil roye ya ilahi tu aaja mere mahi...


Well, I could go on but you get the point....

Damn, I'm watching too much TV.

I Can't Think of a Title

When you're young, you have these stars in your eyes. And it's just so damn easy to dream. You think this is possible, and that is possible. And you're all inspired by some silly self-help books that talk about the power of dreams and all that jazz.

You watch all these movies, and think, "Yeah, this is good shit, man. I'm going to live my dream like the guys in the movie. I'm going to do the things I want to do."

And then reality comes and does it's bitchy thing. And you're still a jackass.